Hope & Practicality from Elisabeth – Elisabeth (Harney) Sanders-Park is co-author of No One Is Unemployable, The WorkNet Model and the WorkNet curriculum, and President of WorkNet Solutions

As you read this, the holiday season, with all its joy and mania, is coming to an end… but as I write, I am nestled in that last pocket of solace before it comes in to full swing. Today I am thankful, thankful for the difficult clients I have worked with over years and for the important lessons they have taught me.

My early experience was serving difficult clients in a tough economy (shelter-dwelling welfare moms, in the recession of the early 1990s). In those years, out of need, I cultivated a mindset that is relentlessly hopeful, a practicality that gets results despite unemployment numbers, and proof that people with significant barriers can find good work even in a recession. I didn’t have the distraction of having worked with easier clients in easier times, so it was years before I realized the value of that time. You see, there are lessons we can learn and qualities we can develop ONLY through difficulty. Patience comes only when we are forced to wait, to put others before or above ourselves. Compassion is cultivated when we must deal with people who are in a place of weakness and need for what we offer. New perspective is gained once we step (or are forced) out of our own experience. My I am thankful for the patience, compassion and perspective I have gained from mentors in the form of my most difficult clients.

My dear friend and colleague Vicki says, “Difficult people are a gift to me. They allow me to learn and grow in ways I couldn’t otherwise; and often they are a mirror showing me the very things I need to deal with in myself.” When asked to share the lessons they have learned from difficult clients, here is what some colleagues shared:

Maggie is thankful to have learned that, “We can’t pretend to have been in our client’s shoes if we haven’t, but we can meet them where they are and establish trust that overcomes the distance between our circumstances and histories,” when a client told her that he liked his career coach but couldn’t work with her because, “she has book learning, but she hasn’t walked in my shoes.”

Cori has developed the skill of not judging and staying aware that everyone has a different value system and different work needs, and that her role is to help people discover and articulate their values and needs so they can find a career they are passionate about. This was tested recently when she was told by a particularly bright and motivated, and very pushy, job seeker who claimed she ‘needed’ to make at least $45,000 a year so she could continue to eat organic food! Cori, who was supporting herself and her partner (who was in graduate school) on less than $40,000 a year, had to keep from judging.

Vikki believes that the toughest clients are those who don’t believe they deserve to dream again and therefore refuse to set a goal or pick a career field. A lot of prayer and listening to what may seem like inconsequential statements have led to her greatest breakthroughs. Feeding into client’s spiritual needs with the constant assurance that God still has a plan for their lives (to give them a hope and a future), allows that door to new vision to open wide once again. She has had at least one candidate in every group for whom the need for God’s love to be shown was the key to that door. She says, “I have been so blessed to be a part of that process.”

Mary Ann, who transitioned from a university career center to a community program, has learned to use her experience when it’s helpful, but to easily adapt if her approach isn’t working. She assumed the resume creation process would be routine, but quickly discovered that her new clients needed a patient, caring, and supportive environment to walk them through the entire process.  She says, “I no longer simply ‘critique’ resumes or I have clients ‘fill in the blanks’ to write a resume. We work together to create the individual summary of their work experiences and goal for the future.  My greatest hope is for that future to include a long, happy, and satisfying career for our clients.”

Deb has learned to identify transferable qualifications, not just “skills”. Max was a successful Lawyer, but his Paralegal who solely served their Spanish-speaking clients, got caught swindling hundreds of customers out of money. The Paralegal fled the country, and Max was held responsible. His law license was suspended until he repaid the money. Deb met him at a homeless shelter two months later. They looked at his transferable selling points. His greatest asset was his network, which had helped him build a large personal injury firm. He contacted any friendly competitor who would love to have his contacts, and proposed that they hire him in a non-licensed position and pay him a percentage of what he brought in. They got a trained Lawyer to do paralegal work, and within 6 months he had paid-off enough of the debt to get his license back.

Serving people with disabilities over the years, Steve has learned patience and creativity, and that building business relationships and joining local professional organizations is important. He once worked with a slow, but bright young man with Down Syndrome who wanted to file in an office. While they practiced interviewing, Steve found a Bank on the bus route and approached HR about his services and client. The young man interviewed, tested, and was offered a job as a File Clerk. To succeed, he simply needed a list of clear expectations each day. With support and positive encouragement, the he worked at the bank for over eight years.

Rebecca is thankful that she has learned to deal with client fear, and to trust the process even in the midst of great resistance. She served a female client who had never been employed, had been incarcerated for the last 20 years, and was resistant in every way possible.  The client feared the whole concept of career coaching and getting a job. As Rebecca walked her through WorkNet’s career development journals and maintained constant communication, she started to trust the process. When the journals addressed fear, it brought up all that the client was feeling, but she kept showing up and doing what needed to be done. She is now a proud Server in a good restaurant and has been for the last 3 months. She is their newest Server, and the only one they kept when they did lay-offs. She is now able to live on her own, bought a reasonable vehicle, and is successfully off parole.

I am keenly aware that many of my most important lessons are the result of working with difficult clients. I am a better coach, consultant, and person because of what they have taught me. I can only hope that my effect on them has been as positive, profound and long-lasting as their effect on me. My wish for you, as you move in to a new year in which you will surely have opportunity to serve difficult clients, is that you welcome it and absorb the vital lessons only they can teach you.

This article appeared originally in the Career Planning & Adult Development Network Newsletter www.careernetwork.org

Photo by Ed Hall