Patterns (Part 1): Fear
A colleague of mine recently posed this question, “We find some a few of our clients thriving in class and then going out doing things the same old way. What’s up with that?” I wished I could say to her that I’ve never experienced that with MY clients, but sad to say it happens. I don’t believe there is a simple answer or a “one size fits all” but I do believe there are some common themes that play into the phenomenon. Over the next few writings I’d like to share them with you and would be wildly interested in your responses!
This tops my list:
FEAR: We’re asking our clients to change, give up old patterns and beliefs for new ones. Some of these beliefs and patterns have been handed down from one generation to the next and are steeped in a rich history. The new belief or change seems easy enough to us because it’s worked for us or others and of course it will work for them in their situation. But from the client’s perspective they aren’t sure our ideas will actually work. But they’ll nod, agree and go along because that works and keeps me off their back…for a time.
So far they have survived doing things their way. So “our” ways seem foreign and may actually take them places they don’t want to go. Their desire for the new place, new job, or new environment has to be so great they’re willing to go with us into the unknown.
Know this, fear disguises itself rather craftily. It looks like avoiding, sarcasm, forgetting, being mean, ignoring, or belittling. Remember a time when you were afraid—how did you respond? For me, I use sarcasm or jokes. In reality, it’s still fear, the same as my clients. We’re not so different, are we?
The first step in dealing with the fear is to help clients, help you figure out how they react to fear. Remember, each person will react differently. In some cases, I will push them to experience a fear and watch what happens. That may sound mean, but we discover it faster and I’m there to talk them back into a rational state of mind.
Remind them fear is normal and can be a great motivator! Create small successes in the job search process. Help them deal with the fear. Offer support and encouragement. Don’t “downplay” their fears.
Remember what it feels like to do something you’re not comfortable doing? Have a little patience. Try to step into their shoes. See things from their viewpoint. Validate and offer new perspectives. Treat them as you would wish to be treated.
Next time: another reason I think old patterns are tough to break!
Photo by Jimee, Jackie, Tom & Asha
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fear, job search, employment, career
Like the point about not down playing their fears. I’ve seen many candidate’s go into fake compliance mode cause a “professional” down played their fear.
Great article, Becky. You hit the nail on the head. What may “appear” to be obstinance or even laziness can be fear in disguise. I think the tricky part is that it does, as you say, have so many faces. Thanks for the insight.